‘Hello’ is a good place to start.

So… Hello.

 

My name is Rochelle. I am 21 years old, and like to think of myself as a creator.

I draw, I take photographs, I write, I generally express myself.

I woke up today and thought, “I need to do something, I need somewhere to express myself and interact with people at the same time”

So why not blog?

This is something I have tried before, a long time ago, as long a time ago as someone who is 21 can have.

I have finished studying for the time being, and need a way to distract myself proactively outside of work.

I have a lot of opinions. They are just opinions – nothing more, nothing less.

I believe it is healthy for people to share their opinions and openly discuss those with people who either agree, or disagree with said opinion. It is how one builds themselves as a person constructively.

I also have triumphs and set-backs. I have struggled throughout several aspects of my life. Mental health is one of those aspects. I have it pretty good compared to a lot of the worldwide population, but they have been my own personal struggles. I compare myself to no-one. This, I believe important to share also- I wish when I was going through my downfalls, I knew that I was not the only one. This is my way of providing that to someone. However small that impact is, I know it is there on the odd chance someone needs it.

 

So again, Hello.
Welcome to my crazy mind.

Lunar Effect.

Does the moon really effect the way we behave?

Does it really influence the way our mental illnesses present themselves?

Some would argue yes, other specific scientists would argue no.

I would argue yes.

“Two studies have found evidence that those with a mental illness – example used was schizophrenia – generally exhibit 1.8% increase in aggressive episodes during a full moon period. However a recent study found no correlation of this in non schizophrenic people”

So is it a placebo effect?

The way I read this ‘study’ is that those with a mental illness believe that the full moon will effect them, so it does and due to their mental illness there is a definitive increase in their  neurological symptoms, but with those who don’t have any to start off with, there cannot be an increase, as there was never any to start off with, so it’s another ‘study’ to show that its all in our heads?

That’s the way I read it anyway.

I may seem as though I am contradicting myself here, so let me explain.

• Yes, I agree that in a schizophrenic person, there would be an increase in the behaviours during the full moon period.
• No, I do not agree that  there was no increase in a non-schizophrenic persons mind, why? Because there was no detection of any to begin with.
• I do think there would have been a change in the non-schizophrenic persons mind, just because they couldn’t detect a change to the chemical, means nothing, because there was no chemical to detect in the first place; so how can you see a change to something that does not exist in their minds?

I’m not a scientist, nor a doctor. Mental health is just something I am very passionate about and want to highlight to those who don’t understand.

Do I believe in Moon Cycles and the behavioural effects it can have on people? Yes.

Do you have to? No.

Do I believe the placebo affect is a real thing? Yes.

Do you have to let it effect your moods when it comes to the moon or anything else? No.

Look, what I’m trying to get at is, if it’s effecting you, then it is. If it’s not then it isn’t.

We are the only ones who know our own minds, we are the only ones capable of controlling our own minds.

Our minds are all different and are all effected by different things, and scientific studies completed on two or three people, are not effective in telling what is happening to everyone, as everyones symptoms, reactions and behaviours are different.

Do what you have to do, in your own time and on your own terms.

Ro x

 

Manic Panic

What’s am I?

The tightening of your chest.
The feeling that your heart is going to burst.
The shortness of breath.
The sweating.
The nausea.
The dizziness.
The numbness.

” I am a period of intense fear or discomfort, consisting of 4 or more symptoms, with an abrupt onset and peak of symptoms within 10 minutes “

You’ll avoid every possible situation that you believe will trigger me, due to the fear of having me visit again.

You’ll avoid the groceries.
You’ll avoid work.
You’ll avoid university.
You’ll avoid family functions.
You’ll avoid social gatherings.
You’ll avoid driving.
You’ll avoid walking.

Without help eventually.

You’ll avoid leaving the house, or even your room.

You won’t know I am coming.
You won’t know how long I am staying for.
You won’t know how to calm me down.
You won’t know how to stop me.

Without help eventually.

I will affect every aspect of your life.
I will ruin friendships.
I will ruin relationships.
I will leave you unemployed.
I  will leave you uneducated.

Although, I can be persuaded.

You can treat me.
You can help me.

You can eventually…

Destroy me.

First hand, Panic/Anxiety attacks are some of the hardest things to deal with.

Personally, I still have them.

I don’t know when they’re coming, I don’t know what triggers them.
But once every now and again they’re triggered.

However, they’re better.
They’re not as intense, nor do they linger for as long.

If I can do this, so can you.

I have done simple things such as cutting my caffeine intake and working out.
I have done extreme things such as taking medication and seeing psychologists.

Do what works for you .
Do what destroys your fears.

 

Compulsive Destruction

One. 

One Acronym. OCD.

Two. 

Two C’s. Common and Chronic.

Three. 

Three little letters. O.C.D.

Four. 

Four times I have checked the locks.

Five. 

Five Common Issues. Cleanliness/Order, Counting/Hoarding, Safety/Checking, Sexual Issues and Religious/Moral Issues.

Six. 

Six times I have washed my hands before food.

Seven. 

Seven types of Anxiety.

Eight. 

Eight times I have counted the candy bars left in the jar.

Nine. 

Nine Syllables. Ob-sess-ive Com-pul-sive Dis-or-der.

Ten. 

Ten minutes I have spent trying to figure out how to write this blog. Ten times I have re-started this blog.

OCD has apparently thought to be developed from a combination of both genetic and environmental factors.

The factors specific to OCD are:

• Biological Factors and
• Environmental/Learned Behaviours.

The Biological factors are related to the levels of serotonin in ones brain. Further studies are being conducted.

Environmental/Learned Factors include watching/learning the behaviours from parents or direct conditioning from this around you in adolescence.

There is treatment available, but it’s just that. Treatment.

OCD cannot be cured. It’s debilitating for some and minor for others.

OCD can come in many forms and vary in levels of strength. For some, it can be the need to have their pens straight on the desk. For others, the clothes in their wardrobe to be colour co-ordinated. Other more severe forms include washing hands multiple times, checking the locks on the doors several times before bed, counting the brush strokes when doing their hair. It can be debilitating. It is debilitating.

Much like other mental illnesses, you have to research. You have to know what you’re researching. They don’t make it easy to find.

It is almost as if the world is trying to cover up the fact that there are sufferers of OCD, GAD, PTSD and every other mental illness that people of all ages, ethnicities, religious groups etc can face everyday, at any given time.

You are not alone, close to 3% of Australians suffer from OCD in their lifetime, and around 2% in every 12 months.

Symptoms of OCD can begin from the age of 6 or 7, but tend to fully develop in adolescence, continuing well into adulthood.

It’s important that warriors like us shed light on the things that are important to us. It is important that we don’t let the world dim our spark, or try to hide the problems that we face everyday.

It’s important that you can understand what your OCD entails, and seek the appropriate assistance for OCD.

Please. Please don’t claim to have such an illness, that you don’t. Its compulsive destruction.

“no-one knows what its like, I have to do these things or something bad will happen”

I have OCD. But it does not have me.

Don’t let it have you too.

 

The Unlucky 7.

Seven.

Seven common types of Anxiety.

• Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
• Social Phobia
• Panic Disorder
• Agoraphobia
• Phobias
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Me? I have three.
GAD, PTSD and OCD.

Ten.

Ten little letters to describe emotions so explosive, they’d drive anyone to the brink.

Generalised Anxiety is much more than just feeling a little stressed or worried; while stress and feelings of anxiousness often calm or simmer once the ‘stressor’ has been taken away, or removed, Anxiety in any form, is when those feelings don’t go away.

Almost everyone will feel anxious at some point in their lives, for those experiencing one, or many of the unlucky seven, those feelings of anxiousness are often hard to control.

Anxiety IS the most common mental health condition in Australia.

In a 12 month period, 2-million Australian’s experience Anxiety, 1 in 3 Women and 1 in Five men will experience at least one form of Anxiety in their lifetime. The sooner someone with anxiety seeks help, the sooner they can start the journey to recovery.

The cause of Anxiety? Is it development? Is it any one single thing?

No.

No, Anxiety is much more complicated than that. Anxiety is typically a build up of a combination of many factors including, physical health, ongoing stress, family history, substance abuse, other mental health conditions and personality factors.

Common triggers for an anxiety onset, or relapse that can be considered ongoing stress are:

• Change in employment or stress from work.
• Change to living situations or locations.
• Pregnancy and birth
• Family or Relationship problems
• Major emotional trauma
• Loss of a loved one
• Physical, Mental, Emotional or Sexual abuse.

Along with the contribution from ongoing stress factors, physical health problems can also influence the trigger or onset of anxiety, these include:

• Coeliac Disease
• Diabetes
• Asthma
• Over-active Thyroid
• Hyper-Tension and Heart Disease

It is important to remember though that everyone is different and it is often a combination of factors that contribute to the development of one or all of the unlucky seven.

The most important thing is to know, and recognise the signs and symptoms for onset of anxiety and seek the appropriate advise and support if required.

I am the hot and cold flushes that confuse you.

I am the tightening of your chest.

I am the snowballing worries that become an avalanche.

So, do you think you know me?

There are several signs, and symptoms that can be recognised as the onset of anxiety.

Physical: panic attacks, hot and cold flushes, tightening chest, racing heart, restlessness, feeling tense or wound up, feeling edgy or quick breathing.

Psychological: excessive fear or worry, or obsessive thinking.

Behavioural: avoidance of situations that cause physical symptoms.

These are generalised symptoms and may manifest in different ways with different people.

It is important, much like the storm to begin to research and start on the Journey (on your own terms and in your own time) to understand what it is your mind is deciding you need to go through at this time.

As for me, and my unlucky 3/7 – we are on our journey at the moment, and it will probably never end, and that is okay. You will be okay.

The Persistent Storm

The ever-present black dog, thats not loved as much as a black lab is, but are both referred to as black dogs. Personally, I love dogs, I don’t love my depression – I would prefer to refer to it as a persistent storm.

Storms are dark, unpredictable and carry a barrage of ‘side effects’ that differ each time it hits. That is how my depression is. That is how many warriors depression works. Warriors yes, we wake up everyday and fight the same demons that left us so tired the night before. We are brave.

But what is depression?

Depression is much more than just a low mood. It is a serious condition that affects not only your mental wellbeing, but also your physical health. It is important to note that while on a regular basis, people may experience some symptoms that are common in depression sufferers, this does not mean you are depressed – just as equally, you may not be experiencing the symptoms, but may still be depressed. It is not only your thoughts and behaviours that can change when you are experiencing a depressive period – your behaviours may change too.

The behaviours that are likely to change are as follows:

• Not going out anymore.
• Not completing school work or work in general.
• Withdrawing from close family and friends.
• Relying on Alcohol, smokes or other addictive substances.
• Not enjoying usual activities.
• Inability to concentrate or focus.

There are also physical changes you may experience, such as:

• Being tired all the time
• Being sick and run down.
• Headaches and muscle pain
• Churning gut
• Sleeping problems
• Loss, gain or any change to appetite.
• Significant loss or gain of weight.

Unfortunately, most people have not heard about depression or ever been advised of the existence of such an illness. This can lead to misdiagnosis or misunderstanding of the changes you are experiencing.

Depression is not a choice. Just as we don’t get to choose the weather, we don’t get to choose when the depression rears its head. It can be as quick as an hour for the onset of a depressive ‘storm’ to hit, or as slow as weeks for the symptoms to progress.

There is no one proven way to ‘Cure’ depression, and no proven way to ‘treat’ depression.  Reasons being, it’s different for every warrior. Depression, as before, much like a storm, manifests in many different ways and carries many different ‘side effects’ with it, depending on the contributing factors to said storm.

The important thing to do is to find the right treatment for you. Do it in your own time, on your own terms, and fight your battle when you have the strength.

There are so many options available, but its important to find what is best to help you ride out this storm.

• Medication?
• GP, Psychologist and Psychiatrist?
• Self research? (please don’t self medicate, it makes it worse, trust me)
• A Holiday?

It’s your choice, make the right one for you.

The thing I have taken away from my journey through the persistent storm is that only I can make the decision on what is working for me and how to manage this. I am the one who picks out my own umbrella to wait out the storm, I am the one who picks out the clothes to change into after the storm, and I am the one who washes the mud from my shoes from walking home.

Just the same, you are the one who picks the psychologist, GP or psychiatrist who works well with you, you are the one who decides which medication is working the best for your particular symptoms and you are the one who shares your story with the relative support networks, when you’re ready.

It is a lot of trial and error, and it is frustrating and can be a deterrent sometimes. I have seen a few different professionals and trialled about 6 different types of medications. The trial and error is ultimately what will lead to you finding that perfect umbrella for you.

Do not let the weather man/lady dictate how you are going to weather the storm, or when the storm is likely to end. This is your storm, there will be sunny days again. Summer will return – but only when you are ready for it. This is your journey, your decision and your storm to dictate.

It will be a persistent storm, but you are a warrior.

The Media’s Mind

I do not want to be a typical person reporting on such a negative subject and putting it all down to numbers, unfortunately the numbers do play a significant role in highlighting the importance of Suicide Awareness and Prevention.

The media however, do not actively report these statistics as it does not make for “interesting” content. The media as I see it would rather report the latest celebrity marriage breakdown – and when a celebrity does have a mental health issue highlighted, they are portrayed poorly by worldwide media producers.

To me, I do not particularly want to “Keep up” with the latest Kardashian Scandal, I couldn’t care less if they wore sweatpants to the studio or if they wore a bloody man-kini.  Why are we not broadcasting important issues?
Yes, I enjoy reality TV, but when I sit down to watch or read the news, I want the real issues presented to me – not the mind numbing stuff I watch on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Why did it take me 5 google pages of research to find appropriate contact numbers and assistance for those less fortunate than myself to get help?

Why? Because mainstream media is all about making money. Sex and Scandal sells.
Suicide and mental health don’t.
I get it, no-one wants to hear about a family who has unfortunately lost their child to suicide due to bullying. But maybe this information should be forced upon the broader Australian community.
Maybe, just maybe this information may educate someone enough to assist in saving a life?

One in five Australian’s between the ages of 18-85 suffer from some form of mental illness. These illnesses range from depressive disorders, to anxiety all the way to substance abuse.

Anxiety, Depression and Substance abuse are generally a ‘triple threat’. 45% of all Australian’s will suffer from at least one of these three disorders in their lifetime.

18-24 year old Australian’s are statistically the group most likely to develop the onset of a mental illness – suffering more than any other age group.

54% of people with mental illness are not actively seeking treatment, and this is usually due to not having access to the appropriate services – or they have been misdiagnosed, which is more common than you would expect.

Everyday, 6 Australians die by suicide, with a further 30 Australians attempting to take their own lives.

Scarily enough, Australian’s are more likely to die by Suicide than they are Skin Cancer.

One in Six attempts at suicide, are followed by another in less than a year – this is the most significant contributing factor to a completed suicide.

Men are at a greater risk of suicide, and are less likely to seek help, however 65,300 people every year attempt to take their own life with the majority being Women. All genders are at risk, yes ALL, Women, Men, Transgender, Non-Binary, Intersex – however you identify. If you suffer from a form of mental illness, there is a chance that you are at risk.

These issues are just not broadcasted enough. This information is broadly available online, IF you look for it. That is just not good enough. We as a community need to unite and communicate with one another about these issues – WE need to continue to actively contribute to the prevention of suicide and the education surrounding mental health.

There are so many organisations in this world, whether they be online, in person, paid or free that can assist with an array of mental health problems. The third party organisations listed below are equipped with 24/7 help services, both online, on the phone and some even in person. Most are free.
Not only are there third party organisations, but your family and friends are usually some of the best people to talk to about these problems you are facing.

It is super important to seek the help that you may or may not feel you need. Especially if you do not completely understand what it is that you are going through.

The easiest way to begin to heal, is to begin to understand the journey your mind is taking you on.

Lifeline Australia – 24/7
Phone: 13 11 14
Online: Yes (Chat)

Beyond Blue – 24/7
Phone: 1300 22 4636
Online: Yes (Chat and Email)

Kids Helpline
Phone: 1800 55 1800
Online: Yes (Chat and Email)

Mensline
Phone: 1300 78 99 78
Online: No

Suicide Call Back Service
Phone: 1300 659 467
Online: No

SANE Australia
Phone: 1800 18 7263
Online: Yes (Chat)

The information provided is not intended for use as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Source of statistics: Black Dog Institute – https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/

On my own terms, in my own time.

The mind is an interesting vessel.
It stores our most intimate memories and dreams.
It is both our genetic make-up and our own creation.

I do not understand mine.

I have experienced things both traumatic, and normal through my late teenage years and through my childhood – they are another story. There are things that have happened in my life that as an adult, I still do not understand, and probably never will.

I have seen doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists alike to find what chemically balanced pill can assist my brain in functioning with the same normality as every one else’s. I have had pills that put me to sleep, make me weak, drain me of all energy – no matter how long I stay in bed. On the contrary, I have had pills that keep me awake, swing my moods like a rollercoaster that breaks over every hill and physically make me sick.

I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

Recently, on my journey to understand I came across a post that so accurately describes my mind, it was as if I dreamed it up myself.

Having anxiety and depression is like being tired and scared at the same time. It is the fear of failure, but no urge to be productive. It’s wanting friends, but hating to socialise. It’s wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely. It’s caring about everything, then caring about nothing. It’s feeling everything at once, then feeling paralysingly numb.

This simple quote in picture form, sums up everything I did not fully understand about my own mind.
Simply, my mind is trying to fight itself, and I am the ultimate loser in the argument.

Although this post assisted me in the journey to understanding myself, I have still only just stumbled upon the correct path to take – however, I am still not sure it is the right one.

I have had a psychologist tell me that I am in protest with myself.
I was recently diagnosed as a coeliac. No gluten = no wheat, barley or rye. It is not a fad, or a part of some ‘revolutionary’ diet that I have had to change my eating habits, if I don’t, I will get extremely sick.
As someone who lived on a diet of pizza and pasta dishes for years, this was heartbreaking and I did not want to accept it. I was in protest with myself – just as Dr. Ancient had said I was.

The panic attacks ensued, and they were relentless.

I stopped eating altogether, and was surviving on a bottle of lemonade and a kiwi fruit a day. My body and my mind deteriorated. I almost tried, as I had before, to injure myself.
I didn’t. I picked up the phone and sought help, I knew something was not right.

As Anxiety and Depression go, when something as minute as a diet change is forced upon you, your brain does not know how to comprehend or comply with the demands of such a dramatic change. The symptoms of my particular mental illness means any change, no matter how big or how small – is amplified. Amplified by 1,000,000.

I have been on this broken roller coaster for years…

… and because I have been on the roller coaster for years, I have the strength and support to know when I can’t do it alone anymore. I know I can’t do it alone anymore at all, I will always need support, whether it is the support of medication’s, family, friends or professional intervention. I am not ashamed of this.

I have anxiety and I have depression. I am under a dark cloud with bright lightening strikes throughout and I am not ashamed of this. You should not be ashamed of this.

I have found the medication that works for me at this time. This medication has put a strainer over the panic attacks – some still seep through, as anything does in a strainer, but the bulk of the attacks are held at bay. I am appreciative of my return to subtle normality for the time being.

My mind is a maze, and I am slowly learning to navigate the maze. I am not navigating it in the way that you are generally told to navigate a maze by ‘sticking to the left’. I am navigating this maze on my terms and in my own time.